Dave Paxton

I really don’t spend a lot of time considering conspiracies. It’s not a show I watch on the History Channel or American Heroes Channel when they’ve got little else to televise. Pulling off a conspiracy is way too complicated for like 99 percent of the population.

But I’ve got some real questions when it comes to this 7,000 or 8,000 or 9,000 human caravan of illegal aliens wandering toward the United States from Honduras, Guatamala and Mexico.

The biggest question I have is this: Who is feeding this mob?

What video footage I’ve seen on Fox News does not depict a group of staggering peasants, although lately the group is looking a little more bedraggled. They appear, for the most part, fit and healthy and a couple of times I’ve seen people munching on candy bars while walking down the road.

Other questions to consider:

Who is washing their clothing?

Where are they bathing?

Where are they pooping?

Look, I was 35 years in the Boy Scouts. I attended dozens of BSA camps in Iowa. What’s more I’ve backpacked pretty much every roadless wilderness from southern Colorado to the Canadian border. The backpacking sojourns were 10 days to two weeks in length. We carried absolutely everything we needed to survive on our backs and traveled with between 10 and 20 Scouts and leaders. My wife and I did three backpacking trips together, twice in Montana and once in Wyoming.

The truth is, under normal circumstances, you don’t shower and end up smelling like the south end of mule headed north, you lose between 10 and 20 pounds because you can’t possibly replace the calories you are expending walking 10 to 15 hours a day and you dig holes to do your bathroom duties.

These people are walking hundreds and hundreds of miles, carrying little more than a grade school backpack.

Somebody is fronting this caravan, to what end I’m not sure. Millions of dollars are being spent on a traveling city basically twice the size of Albia. News agencies, including Fox and the networks are not doing their jobs by not investigating or filming breakfast, lunch and dinner or showing people either squatting by the road or using bright blue porta potties.

I don’t care what the political nature of those walking is, these people are facing the same obstacles the Hebrews faced following Moses out of Eqypt, except no one has reported seeing manna from heaven. We also haven’t seen taco trucks or traveling tenderloin food trucks. But I guarantee they are there.

So who is footing this enormous bill?

From what you parse from news accounts and people who make a living doing conspiracy theories, the Central American drug cartels is at or near the top of the list. Then you go to actual corrupt governments in Honduras and Guatamala, ISIS terrorists, the Democrat Central Committee, the Republican Central Committee and last, but certainly not least, liberal whack job, Commie billionaire George Soros.

Those whose bent is to open our borders to anyone, will suggest that this caravan simply popped up out of nowhere, fed by people yearning to be free and they are walking caravan style because it is safer than hiring coyotes or walking the mean streets of Mexico alone.

Not buying it. The great migrations which created the United States came in waves, but there was virtually always something feeding it. The Irish potato famine, for instance. The Irish had two choices. Starve or find passage to the United States. The Pilgrim, Puritan and western European migration to America was fueled by religious persecution combined with Great Brittain and France needing people to occupy their newly minted territories. Spanish migration to Mexico and Central America was also about finding gold and converting natives to the Catholic Church.

The great Eastern European migrations (which brought my grandmother’s family to America between 1895-1900) had to do with brutal government conscription into wars people in Slovakia, Poland and throughout the region didn’t want to fight.

And nobody just started walking toward the coast of the Atlantic Ocean. It took years of planning for people to get enough money for ocean passage. It took connections in the United States to move them from Ellis Island into the middle of the country. And if you look at the photos of people arriving in the U.S. they appear as walking skeletons, gaunt and exhausted.

These are not the pictures from the jaunt up the western side of Mexico.

But I can’t pin down the why in all of this. The people I hang with aren’t particularly enamored with mobs of people attacking our southern border, so if it has something to do with the election, I’d be surprised.

I wouldn’t be surprised if it had something to do with attempting to embarrass Donald Trump or somehow forcing him to make a critical mistake by massing troops at our border. Think Kent State massacre and what it did to those in power at the time.

Unquestionably there are really bad people making their way to the U.S. border among the mob and it’s not out of the world of conspiracy that terrorists could get into the U.S. as the mob overwhelms border patrol agents. I’m just not convinced this is how terrorists think, although no one thought Saudi radicals enrolling in student pilot classes in the U.S. would bring down the Twin Towers and nearly destroy the Pentagon.

So, I don’t know. However, I have a hunch this isn’t about Lady Liberty.

LIBERAL WHACK jobs and network news people are blaming Donald Trump for eight pipe bombs (none of which exploded) sent to top Democrats on the east coast. Bad Republicans, fed by Trump’s bombast, have caused this threat.

In fact, it is a terrorist threat and whoever did it needs to be sent to federal prison for life. But to blame Trump for his uncivil behavior is laughable. It was Hillary Clinton who in recent weeks said Democrats would not be civil until they took back the House and Senate. It was Eric Holder who encouraged Democrats to kick Republicans in their privates. It was a crazed liberal who threatened Sen. Charles Grassley’s life. It was a Bernie Sanders supporter who shot and nearly killed Congressman Scalise. Radical Progressives have called for the assassination of President Trump.

My newly minted conspiracy mentality says, because the bombs did not detonate, it is the work of a like-minded liberal hoping to sway votes to Democrats.

Doesn’t matter really. Find them, convict them and hang them as terrorist traitors.

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