I had to scratch and claw Sunday to obtain a copy of the Des Moines Sunday Register (weather related), desperate for a first hand account of Iowa’s incredible win over Rutgers and the Joe Wiescamp shot heard round the world along with coverage of the Iowa high school state wrestling tournament.

After spending almost a half hour immersed in what we used to call “The Big Peach,” I started perusing the rest of the newspaper and lit upon a story that made me want to take the newspaper back and ask for a refund.

The headline read: “Climate change can spark anger, violence, ISU study says.” The headline should have read, “Phony university research scams can spark anger, violence.”

I guess I’m thankful that one of the Register’s squishy new reporters covered this story without an inkling of critical thinking, because it provided more proof as to the massive waste of public funding in our university system. What ticked me off most was the fact that this goofy research came out of a land grant university. I could almost have accepted it had it come from the University of Iowa where professors appear to be on a permanent pot high. But from Iowa State? No way.

Way.

Craig Anderson, a psychology professor and Andreas Miles-Novelo, a graduate student, released this ground breaking “study” that shows bad weather can make people cranky. Gasp!

Their thesis is this: Iowa and the U.S. have gotten warmer over the past 30 years and scientists expect things to continue to heat up, bringing more frequent and intense storms. Ergo, there will be an increase in violence, based on established models of aggression and violence. What!? They go on to say the effects of climate change on natural disasters, failing crops and economic instability will contribute to angry people.

First of all, modern climate change devotees and global warming religionists completely ignore the undisputed scientific fact that the earth’s climate is cyclical, not static. Weather does not (nor has it ever) gone from A to Z. It looks like an up and down wave, corresponding to solar activity.

And I’m not sure how this idea lines up against the past 30 years of crop and livestock production (perhaps they should chat with ISU ag professors) that have shown year after year of more and better food and fiber numbers, regardless of the weather.

Anyway, they claim the hotter it gets, the angrier people will get and things like “eco-migration” will happen. They use Syria as an example of “eco-migration.” Global warming apparently has caused a mass migration from Syria. Here I thought all along it was because the Syrian government, along with ISIS have reduced the country to rubble.

They say there is a link between heat and aggression, including some new study that shows hotter regions have more violent crime, poverty and unemployment. Now we know why pickle ball played by aging Americans in Florida and Arizona is a threat to national security. So too is golf.

Uh, earth to Professor Anderson, eco-migration has been occurring in the U.S. for more than 30 years. It’s called, “we’ve got to get the hell away from Iowa winters” and it started about the time water was made available to the deserts of Arizona and Florida eliminated its state income tax.

Here’s where these two Iowa State research geniuses come off the tracks. Researcher Dr. Raymond Wheeler and 200 fellow astrophysicists around 1920 proved that the earth’s climate changes in cycles, the shortest of which is about 172 years. That change is also caused by changes in the sun. His research, reaching back 11,000 years, shows human life thriving during periods of warmth and wet and regressing in times of cold and dry. These guys actually proved that colder weather creates more human violence. Sitting in snow up to our eyeballs this winter, Dr. Wheeler’s research makes sense. I’m ready to punch somebody out if I could blame the near record snow and cold on them.

But here’s where these Godless goofballs completely miss the mark. They’re suggesting we can stem climate change anger by preparing for future manmade global warming, by providing aid to refugees and redirecting eco-migration (likely to Finland). From my limited experience, humankind rises to mitigate suffering, based largely on the foundational principles of faith…Christian faith. Christian theology tells us that how you feel is not based on physical circumstances, but how you’re working alongside God. “Count it all joy brethren when you are beset by trials,” says Paul.

One more piece of academic fraud from Dr. Anderson and his hyphenated Iowa State flunky. “That is why the U.S. and other countries must make sure these regional conflicts and eco-migration problems don’t get out of hand,” he writes. “One way to do that is to provide appropriate aid to refugees and make it easier for them to migrate to regions where they can be productive, healthy and happy.”

People who are happiest, most productive and healthy are the way they are despite the weather around them. Happiness is the result of the condition of the soul, not the barometric pressure.

There are happy, joyful, fulfilled people in Alaska and Australia, in Zimbabwe and Finland, in the tropics and in the Antarctic. Just as there are miserable shrews in all of those places.

Right now many Iowans are shuttered inside their homes, disparing of the weather. I take a middle of the road approach. While I’m tiring of shoveling, I’ve cross country skied in near perfect snow conditions four of the past five days. I ache after dragging wood to the fireplace and then love the warm it provides as I settle in front of the TV, my aging black cat on my lap.

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